Running with Danger

On Wednesday, I was considering hitch hiking around the world. I felt excited about it. I had a vision of how it could all come together and how it could help. I’ve also had a lot of experience with shadow callings. I know what feels good isn’t always good for me.

I asked my psyche (Soul) to give me clarity around whether this calling was the real deal in my dream.

That night, I dreamt about a bunch of people - all ages - living in an abandoned high rise. They were running from the police (“the law”). (In this case, the law I think actually meant higher law and spiritual authority). At first, I thought it was cool, but it wasn’t. They were dedicated to something, but it was more a reaction against, than an act of pure creation. They were running from truth, but they couldn’t see it yet.

For a little while, I joined in. I ran along the side of the road, like a 10 year old (that age was clear in my dream - it symbolises imaturity). I felt reckless. I saw a giant monster truck coming up alongside me. I felt like I was “speeding”. (i.e. going outside the limits of consciousness).

I had a conversation with one of the guys about why they were living like this. He told me most people there "keep working and following a particular path ‘til the light comes out". I interpreted this as, rather than bringing to light their "monsters" (shadow) - consciousness to their pain - they were working to distract themselves and avoid it. (I wanted to smack this guy. These people were incredibly resourceful. Why weren’t they channeling it in a way that served them?)

They were doing deals with the dark and had soul contracts with psychic forces. They kept going ‘til they reached some sort of euphoria, rather than embodying love and working from that place.

"Most of us come out of here not having accomplished anything," he showed me a piece of paper with a little work experience, "with a huge gap on our resume." (A resume here isn't about getting a normal life, I interpret this as having credit and a real impact in the world).

It wasn’t healthy community. No-one was happy. People stuck in their little groups; they came out of their holes and hideaway places and kept working while they ate, close to each other, but not talking.

I walked around, smiling and talking to people.

"Looks like we need some team building," I said. I wanted to get everyone organized and working together.

Past life karma

Humanity is growing out of our martyr phase. We’d enslaved ourselves in the belief we're worthless, and that we needed to humiliate and beat ourselves, to be free. It's not true.

A calling that’s close, but not it, is called golden shadow. Golden shadow callings are harder to spot. They look so good - challenging ideas about what’s possible, raising money for a great cause - the whole world often gets behind them. But if you look a little closer, you see the immaturity, enslavement and suffering. There’s a deeper pain - the illusion of separateness - being expressed.

All human suffering is a result of misunderstanding.

If you’ve been punishing yourself because you feel guilty - you think you deserve it - you don’t need to.

You can’t heal others by hurting yourself.

Hard work transmutes karma, but you don't need to drive yourself into the ground. There's a line between working diligently at something you're passionate about and destroying yourself.

On a higher level, there's nothing to feel guilt or be embarrassed about. Your Soul is learning the nuance of this experience.

"If you can outrun the cops, you can steal a car"

Come out. Do real work in the real world.

I’m dedicated to feeling and experiencing the sensations in my body each day, clearing out the pain body.

Go deeper to the place within where all is well. Take your desire to alchemize your trauma and unite, transform and heal, to God. You can and will feel it all here. This is the actual challenge. Test your limits, without going outside the limits God has set. Can you feel the RELIEF in knowing you don't have to suffer? Struggle yes, but not suffer.

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should

I’ve been thinking about shadow and real callings a lot lately. While thinking about this adventure felt good, it’s clear this isn’t a path I want to go on. It lacks heart. It’s a reaction to pain, rather than a product of Love. Like Icarus, you can fly too close to the sun. You could have the most euphoric experience, but if it's rooted in lack, you’ll go high and then come down just as hard. Without God, all that’s left is cheap thrills.

So what of challenge, adventure? I’m bringing my desire to experience challenge that’ll take me higher to the Source. In meditation yesterday, I saw myself walking up a flight of spiral stairs. Rather than going up and falling down the same set all over again, I was walking, making progress.