Markers From the Trail. Lessons From Writing My Memoir
In 2016, I started compiling journal entries, notes and quotes into a pages document that would, eventually, become the memoir I’d wanted to write almost my whole life. It was a big deal. Six years later, in September of 2022, I had a final draft and a finished book proposal I began to pitch to agents and editors. The journey was longer, wider and held more wisdom than I could possibly include here. I’m in the process of publishing more about the actual writing, but until then, here are some markers from the trail that helped me when resistance piled up and the experience was more hellish than healing.
“Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can.”
Protect your time. Set a timer and stay until it's done. Turn your phone on silent and do not disturb. Some days, I’d spend the whole time wishing the timer would go off. Others, I'd be deeply engrossed I’d want it to go on forever. Neither is better.
Use what you've got. Your life and art are inextricably intertwined. Whatever you're experiencing when you show up to do your work, is the perfect. Bring it all. Resistance will whisper you're not in the right headspace, you're too scattered, scared, angry etc… it’s wrong. I keep a journal tab open while I’m writing. I’ll work through what comes up and it leads me straight back to the place I need to be in my art. The most spectacular breakdowns lead to the most profound break throughs.
Use resistance. In Latin dance, your partner is an opposing force pushing and pulling, giving you momentum to twirl and spin. Use this opposition to build strength. Like a sparring partner, if it's knocking you down, stand up. If it's spouting bullshit, speak the Truth. I’ve accessed whole new well of power by spitting straight fire against the bs voices in my head.
Everything is happening for you
It’s the process, and the outcome. As much as you’re creating for the world, and all the people your creation will serve, you’re also doing this for you. This process is shaping you, helping you grow, access new parts of yourself and see yourself in a whole new way. Learn about yourself. Get to know you deeper, through the experience. You have the opportunity to Know, witness and experience yourself, deeply, through this experience. What a dream.
There is always a way. When it feels like you’re in an impossible situation with no way out, train yourself to relax and see through chaos. Life leaves clues, signposts and breadcrumbs to follow. Listen. Be willing to see the next step. You might need to swim blindly through a sandy shore dump, but you'll come up on the other side eventually.
Ask for help. When the inner critic drowns out everything else, and you can feel yourself going under, call on heavens help. It takes time to build up resilience, but in the interim you have angelic forces assembled to support and guide you. Don’t be too proud, call on them to lift you up. You’ll never be left wanting.
Whether you’re working on a memoir or a melody, I hope these golden nuggets give you the strength and guidance you need to keep going. Ready for someone on your team to hold you accountable? Reach out about 1:1 coaching.
