Ego vs. Soul Highs
I got Tinder. I’m landlocked (20mins from the beach with no car) and one of my aunties is unwell. I think it was an attempt to distract myself while I don’t have the ocean to wash all my worries away. First of all, it’s overwhelming. Girls, if you’ve been on it for a while, you’ll have to tell me how you do it. I don’t know about other places, but North Sydney does NOT have a shortage of good-looking single men.
I’ve been “out there” on dating apps at different stages, and every time it’s the same. Excruciating small talk, life story in 150-characters, half-assed drinks invitations, repeat. I lasted 48 hours. I deleted it this morning and had an amazing self-care day watching a favorite film (Vicky Cristina Barcelona) in between meditating and taking naps in the sun.
Walking out the door this afternoon, headphones in, music blaring, dappled sunlight filtering through the red and brown leaves, I got a great big surge of genuine happiness. It’s a feeling I get more and more these days; a combination of intense gratitude, wonder, awe and pure joy where you just look around at your life and go, ‘Holy shit, I can’t believe I get to experience this.’ It was so different to the superficial dopamine spasms I’d been getting all morning that it got me thinking about the different kind of ‘highs’ we experience and if they’re all created equal.
I used to be addicted to compliments. I fished for them like they were a food source. I loved the rush of adrenaline I got when a new guy showed interest in me and would mold myself to be exactly what he wanted. I was terrified if he saw the ‘real me’, I’d lose his focus and all the good feelings it came with would go away.
Little rushes of adrenaline and deep, abiding joy are worlds apart.
An observation…
Ego highs are a response to someone else’s acknowledgement or recognition about something you don’t truly value. Soul highs come from within. They’re a recognition of your own brilliance, (Unless it’s a genuine compliment about something you’re truly proud of, that can come from outside) Ego highs only last a little while, Soul highs stay with you for the day, often longer. Ego highs keep you on the hamster wheel, always looking for the next hit, Soul highs sustain you and keep you moving forward.
Ego highs, like sugar, stimulate your pleasure receptors and trigger the release of chemicals in your brain. Soul highs shift the frequency of your cells. Ego highs are a means to an end (end suffering). They keep you small and dependent, scared of losing the attention you crave. Soul highs are the means and the end. They’re inspire you and remind you of your own power.
Ego highs wreak havoc in your life and leave drama and disappointment in your wake. Soul highs make you a magnet for your deepest desires. Ego highs leave you feeling anxious about what’s next. Soul highs leave you feeling excited about what’s possible.
I’ve experienced both and now it’s up to me what I want to create as my reality. I know in the long-term ego highs leave me starving, so I’m going to commit to doing things that feed my soul. The investment is greater, but so is the reward.
