When the Clouds Roll In

May 2018

At the end of her book, Running Like China, friend and author Sophie Hardcastle suggests writing a letter to yourself reminding you of all the good things, so you know you won’t always feel like this.

This is my letter.

Dear Jae,

You are here for a reason.

You know it, you have always known it.

You have work to do here. You have minds to awaken, Souls to enlighten and hearts to inspire. You have mountains to move and messages to deliver. You have systems to change, rules to break, beliefs to challenge, talents to unleash. You have light to give and darkness to discover. You have lessons to learn and really fucking beautiful things to create.

I know that being a human is hard work and you just want to go ‘home’, but it’s not time yet. The fact that your heart is beating means that there are things your Soul still wants to experience here on earth.

I know you can’t see it right now, but there are so many beautiful things about this life.

Even if it doesn’t right now, writing makes you happy. So does sunshine on the nape of your neck, sunrise over the ocean and a glass of rosé overlooking the water. You love almond-milk lattes with honey and peppermint tea, and often the sight of a full moon takes your breath away…

You have friends who adore you.

You have this incredible way of making people feel excited and inspired, like they can take on the world.

You see the beauty, wisdom and light in others even when they don’t see it in themselves.

You have a superhuman empathy that most people don’t understand (it’s one of the reasons you’re struggling right now) and a God-given gift for articulating the complexities of this human experience.

Your words heal, your presence uplifts, your light inspires. You have already helped so many people and you are going to help millions more.

You have so much to look forward to. You will meet people who challenge and change the way you see the world, and you will experience moments of Divine revelation so clear they will alter you on a cellular level. You will know joy so pure it will soothe your earthly wounds.

You will love so deeply it will crack you open.

The tears will stop, your fire will return and the words will pour forth again. Your writing will be a channel for the Divine to flow through you into the world.

You will make yourself proud.

I can’t even remember what you’re going through right now. I think our mind protects us by blocking out the pain.

Just know that it’s okay if all you did today was brush your teeth and take a shower.

If you can’t make it out the front door, that’s okay too. You are worthy. You are valuable. You are more than enough.

I know it doesn’t feel like it, but there is meaning in all of this. The many facets of melancholy shape you, teach you and change you. They fast track your growth and evolution, they destroy you so you can be rebuilt.

Remember? We experience darkness so we can know ourselves as light. It takes a special kind of faith to surrender to the dark night of the soul, secure in the knowledge that the sun will rise again. But when the waves drag you under, relax and find an anchor.

You aren’t being drowned, but cleansed…

I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but there is more love in this world than fear and the evil pales in comparison to the good. The battle has already been fought. The war has already been won. We’re all just acting out the illusion of Source’s expressing itself as a human for a little while.

Even when the loneliness overwhelms you, you are never truly alone. God is still here, even if you can’t feel Him. And there are an Army of unseen forces protecting, monitoring and wrapping their angel wings around you right now. Can you feel them?

When the clouds roll in and darkness roars across the sky, remember your Divine appointment. You are a messenger, a visionary, a healer, a shaman, a leader, a teacher, a shepherd, a Lightworker. And even though it doesn’t feel like it right now, you chose to be here. You have been preparing lifetimes for this.

When all is said and done, you will return home. Not a moment sooner than you are meant to, ensconced in a starry bliss. The veil will be lifted and with the limitations of the earthly body forgotten, then you will remember who you really are.

Until then darling one, you have work to do and love to give and minds to awaken and hearts to inspire - and you have to be here to do it.

Stay strong.

I love you so very much.

Jae x