Broken, blinding

Dear Love (me),

Close your eyes, open your heart. Empty your mind, fill your soul. 

Press in. Reach out. 

The last few months have been therapeutic in the messy, ugly, heart-wrenching sense of the word. I’ve dredged up the darkness within me and surrendered it to blinding light.

I’ve come, broken and bruised to the foot of the cross over and over again as I learn to imprison my thoughts and hand pick my words. 

I’ve had dreams so vivid I couldn’t tell when I’d woken up. I’ve experienced miracles that made my heart burst with gratitude for my creator. 

I’ve been cracked open and bled dry, I’ve been stitched up and made anew. 

I’ve deleted videos and ignored messages, I have fasted and prayed. I’ve thrown out clothes that still smell like the boys who wore them. 

I’ve shrunk in fear and risen in love. I’ve broken invisible bonds that kept me tied to old people and old emotions. I’ve screamed and sworn and surrendered. 

I have healed. 

My core desired feeling for this year is #overflowing. Overflowing with love, gratitude and pure uninhibited joy. But in order to be filled, I first had to be drained. I had to untie the ropes around my ankles that were keeping me weighted to the past. I had to journey into my own darkness and stumble, blinking into the light on the other side of salvation. 

This year I wish for you; growth. May you have the grace to let go of the things not meant for you, the wisdom to acknowledge the dark places within yourself and the strength to bring them to the light. 

I promise to be here for you every step of the way.