Story time
When I was little, I felt like there was an imperceptible wall between other kids - other people - and me. I tried to climb over it, but when I did, I was met with sideways glances and awkward silence. The joy that came easily to others, avoided me like the plague. I saw the dying caterpillar before someone pointed out the butterfly. I was convinced I was playing catch up, like there was a key to living everyone else knew, but I was yet to discover.
The more of my Self and individuality came online, the more afraid I grew. I could feel potential within me - a glint of light - but, lacking confidence and not knowing how to bring it out, I ran. I sought comfort, security and validation in men, sex and relationships. At fifteen, I was diagnosed with depression. I struggled with body dysmorphia and disordered eating and couldn’t walk past a mirror without cringing. Despite being the “good girl” at school, at sixteen, a series of naked photos of me got leaked. At seventeen, after Schoolies and stuck in the cycle of DV, I fell pregnant. I graduated high school in a blur of panic attacks and sneaking out. At twenty-one, studying a journalism and political science degree, I woke up with dread in my stomach almost every morning, and slept with a new person every other night.
2010
Fell in love with a boy who promised to love me in spite of everything I’d done. Put my dreams of moving to Sydney on hold for the promise of a fantasy life. Got caught in the cycle of DV. Got pregnant. Got out.
2011
I lived on campus and spent 2 years getting black out drunk and chasing ‘experiences’. Spent most nights drunk crying in my underwear.
2013
I met a woman in a nightclub who invited me to her church. I went along, reluctantly. The message was about Grace, and how, no matter what you’ve done, Love is still there. Something clicked. I realised I could live a life with love, rather than hustling to get it from outside of me. I realised if I kept going down my current path, all my untapped potential would keep wreaking havoc in my system, and I’d never get to experience what I knew I was capable of. I knew I had something in me worth fighting for. I chose to love the power I felt within me, more than I was afraid of it.
Went to Church and met the girls who would become my soul sisters. For the first time in my life, I was surrounded by people who valued me for who I was rather than what I’d done. Spent hours in worship, tears streaming down my face. Gave up sex. Gave up drinking to get drunk. Gave up dating. Not because I felt like I had to, but because they didn’t align with who I wanted to be. It didn’t feel like a sacrifice, it felt like a relief.
Sitting on my balcony one afternoon, I got a message from my Angels and spent every last cent in my account on a place in Marie Forleo’s B School, an online business program that gave me the inspiration and insight I needed to turn my passion into a career. Quit my journalism internship and started my website – a horrendous WordPress called ‘The Grateful Goddess’ which quickly became jaeschaefer.com.
I created time and space for God, and I let the things I was running from catch up with me. Stopped seeing certain people, learned to say no. Severed soul ties, faced the demons of my past head on. Brought darkness to light. Backslid a lot.
2014
I separated my worth from my achievements and worked with the gift of my sensitivity rather than holding it against myself.
After four years of whining, complaining, stressing and struggling, finished my degree and graduated with a Bachelor of Journalism/Arts majoring in Political Science from the University of Queensland. Graduation ended up being one of the happiest days of my life.
2016
Took up my rightful place on the Northern Beaches of Sydney. Manifested a killer apartment in the middle of my own little island.
I love breaking down systems and structures that no longer serve the world. I’m here for a world where everyone is doing what they love; where people are empowered to discover their innate gifts and abilities and use them in a way that fulfills and energizes them.
When I first started writing online, I couldn’t imagine how I could one day be a beacon of hope or light for others. Life doesn't look like I thought it would a decade ago. LAWDDDDDD knows, I don't have it all figured out. Some days, it feels like I’m feeling for Love like a tiny seed at the core of the earth, others, Who I Really Am is pulsing through me so strongly I think I’ll explode into a million galaxies. This virtual Home has been a long time in the making. It feels good to let it all OUTTTTT. If you haven’t already, check out the blog.
In my experience, well-articulated and thoughtfully collected info and stories that encompass the full range and complexity of the human experience have a way of cutting through the bs and helping us relax. In a world that can often look and feel insane, it’s calming and restores balance. My intention is to publish work that takes longer to create, but is well worth the time, effort and energy. It’s my quiet revolution against the click-bait sensationalism of social media and the current virtual landscape.