An anthology of awakening for the next generation of incorruptible creatives
I glare at myself in the mirror
a wild, untameable queen
is staring back
my eyes are alight with fire
as I look past my own reflection
into the depths of my very own Soul
I can see it all
I have been preparing for lifetimes for this.
This is the story of how love entered my life.
When I was little, I dreamed of a love that was unconditional. A love that didn’t require me to be or act a certain way in order to receive it. But all I saw in the world was limited love, a love that was anxiously attached and insecure. Eventually, the pain of the disconnection I felt grew too much, and I shut down.
By fifteen, I was seeing a clinical psychologist for depression and using sex and relationships to escape the war inside my head.
It was so much easier to escape reality than accept a future I didn’t want to face.
At seventeen, in a physically and emotionally tumultuous relationship – I fell pregnant. I got myself out, but the pain that led me there still lingered. I couldn’t shake the feeling I didn’t want to be on the planet anymore.
At twenty-two, while getting a degree I chose to please my parents, I was getting blackout drunk three nights a week and sleeping with a new person almost every night. I was a revolutionary woman, in a wild revolt against herself.
One night, after yet another week-long bender, I made a choice. I knew I had truly valuable gifts within me, that – if I kept going down this path – I would never get to experience. My longing to express the magic I knew myself to be, was finally greater than my terror of what would happen when I did.
Not long after, in the middle of a nightclub, I met a woman who invited me to her church. I reluctantly went along. What I experienced that night, and the journey of awakening, recovery and freedom it inspired, completely changed my life.
Part memoir, part call-to-action for the next generation of leaders, I Am God is a personal recount of the transforming effect of Divine grace, an exploration of creativity and self-expression, and an ode to the eternal longing to know ourselves as who we really are.