I am god

An anthology of awakening for the next generation of incorruptible creatives

I glare at myself in the mirror

a wild, untameable queen 

is staring back 

my eyes are alight with fire 

unassailable power 

and deep 

unanswerable 

questions 

as I look past my own reflection 

into the depths of my very own Soul 

I can see it all

I have been preparing for lifetimes for this.

This is the story of how love entered my life. 

When I was little, I dreamed of a love that was unconditional. A love that didn’t require me to be or act a certain way in order to receive it. But all I saw in the world was limited love, a love that was anxiously attached and insecure. Eventually, the pain of the disconnection I felt grew too much, and I shut down. 

By fifteen, I was seeing a clinical psychologist for depression and using sex and relationships to escape the war inside my head.

It was so much easier to escape reality than accept a future I didn’t want to face.

At seventeen, in a physically and emotionally tumultuous relationship – I fell pregnant. I got myself out, but the pain that led me there still lingered. I couldn’t shake the feeling I didn’t want to be on the planet anymore.

At twenty-two, while getting a degree I chose to please my parents, I was getting blackout drunk three nights a week and sleeping with a new person almost every night. I was a revolutionary woman, in a wild revolt against herself.

One night, after yet another week-long bender, I made a choice. I knew I had truly valuable gifts within me, that – if I kept going down this path – I would never get to experience. My longing to express the magic I knew myself to be, was finally greater than my terror of what would happen when I did.

Not long after, in the middle of a nightclub, I met a woman who invited me to her church. I reluctantly went along. What I experienced that night, and the journey of awakening, recovery and freedom it inspired, completely changed my life.

Part memoir, part call-to-action for the next generation of leaders, I Am God is a personal recount of the transforming effect of Divine grace, an exploration of creativity and self-expression, and an ode to the eternal longing to know ourselves as who we really are.

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About the Author

About the Author

“Creativity is how I play with God”

Jae Schaefer is a speaker, creator and guide for millennials and Gen Z, living with her beautiful mum in the Northern Rivers of NSW, Australia. After overcoming depression, anxiety and addiction in her teens and early twenties, in 2014 she started her own life coaching practice to empower millennials to find their purpose. Today, she loves channelling new insights about mental and emotional health, creativity and self-expression and facilitating unique experiences that re-connect young people with their own incorruptible – Divine – nature. If she’s not creating, dancing in the street or dreaming big in the bath, you’ll find her implementing her vision for a creative / performing arts school/boarding house for the next generation of incorruptible creatives. She is wholeheartedly in love, with Life.

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