So I’ve noticed lately I have all this unprocessed anger inside me. I knew it was there because it was starting to effect different areas of my life; I wasn’t making money in my business, I kept attracting the wrong kind of guys (not the kind I wanted to be with) and I started to feel this self loathing come up, the kind that I hadn’t felt in a really long time.
I knew something was going on and I got the feeling that it was time for me to fully heal and release all this anger that I hadn’t done at the time…
because it wasn’t safe
because I thought I would be shamed
because it wasn’t an ‘acceptable’ response at the time
anger from situations where I’d been taken advantage of, treated unfairly and even anger on behalf of the collective over the state of our world
When I set that intention that it was time to Release (with a capital R) – or more felt as though it was time and wondered out loud how that would happen – Life started giving me opportunities to get angry,
I’d miss my yoga class
I’d get stuck in traffic behind the slowest people on earth
I zero’d out my bank accounts
I didn’t sign any clients
My card got declined at Coles
My sister bought a guy home and kicked me out of my bed
it was overwhelming
I don’t usually get upset about stuff like that anymore so it didn’t take long before I realised, Life was GIFTING me opportunities to release my anger, by triggering what was already there, buried deep below the surface,
so I could feel it
and let. it. out.
I waited until I was by myself in a safe space then I’d go and scream into a pillow.
Yell in the car.
I threw my phone across the room on more than one occasion.
I’d punch, scream and swear and cry… and as I did, I literally felt the energy come from deep within my stomach and out and out and out until I couldn’t feel it any more… until I felt like it was done…
I did it again the next day, and the next.
… and the more I released, it seemed the more would come up. It was like emptying an ocean pool and then watching the tide come in and fill it up again…
Expressing my emotions is now part of my morning routine.
I spent too long living in my head and disassociating from my body that I owe it to her to connect in and feel through.
My anger isn’t something to be afraid of. The ‘idea’ of it is actually more scary than the actual thing, and all it really wants is to be felt.
I’m going to keep whatever wants to come up, come up, and revelling in the freedom that comes with full expression (if you know any practices for releasing emotional blocks let me know in the comments below!)
So much love,